Tuesday, November 14, 2006


There's just no polite way to say this: the Boston Celtics are off to a monumentally terrible start. At 1-6, they're the worst team in the league. They've squandered the "soft" schedule that saw them playing most of their November games at home. They managed to lose after having big leads, close games - you name it, they've found a way to lose. This is a team that had high hopes and big expectations, so what gives?

Sure, there have been some injuries. Al Jefferson will be out for a month after an emergency appendectomy, Theo Ratliff is nursing a herniated disc in his back, and Brian "Veal" Scalabrine has an as yet undiagnosed condition that causes him to be stiff, ham handed, and just plain suck at basketball. Second leading scorer Wally "Two Zs, no D" Szczerbiak even missed a game after straining his ass. Yes, his ass. Yet injuries alone cannot seem to account for the Celtics' woeful performances.

On paper, the Celtics have a fairly deep roster, at least by Eastern Conference standards. They've got depth at every position, and some players, like former Providence College standout Ryan Gomes, Paul Pierce, Kendrick Perkins and newcomer Sebastian Telfair are performing well.

Perhaps the Celtics had it coming when they dedicated their season to the recently deceased team patriarch Arnold "Red" Auerbach. Or perhaps, in keeping with someone's theory, there is a curse on the team after the recent decision to become the last team in the NBA to hire cheerleaders (or as that someone calls them, "dance skanks"). That last one is an intriguing theory, but big booties shimmying in tight spandex probably hasn't caused the team to stink up the floor.

If it's not a lack of talent, or cheerleaders, then what's got them playing so bad? I'm desperate to know. And if anyone can tell me, I beg you, tell Doc Rivers and Tony Brown so that they can help turn this mess around. I'll watch every game, win or lose, but I'd certainly get a bit more enjoyment if they weren't the laughing stock of the entire league.

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